OCEANIA 2075

By Andrew Wade © 2006 and for all eternity or till someone pays me enough

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Not intended as a right wing rant.

I was inspired to write this by a combination of ten years of New Labour and the depressing nature of leftie propaganda.
Our lot really haven't learned anything from the past at all. And so, I give you...

WELCOME TO OCEANIA - a Citizen's Information Pack
(C) People's Republic Stationery Office 2075

Oceania is the biggest and best country in the world. It outproduces its nearest competitor by 150% - more if you include the trade that takes place between Oceania and its partner countries such as the EU and South America.

The average citizen is literate and healthy. 50% of the population have a degree-level education, and 96.8% of us are 100% happy. The rest are criminals and the mentally ill, people who have fallen short of the demands our communal, caring society places on the individual. Special sanitoria are utilized to help these unfortunate people to recover and find their place in society once more, where they are needed and wanted and loved by all.

Meanwhile criminals, parasites and recidivists find themselves toiling away at sites like Love Island or the Sellafield reactor, renewing our environment and helping us recover from the Disaster that the corporations have selfishly left us with.

TECHNOLOGY IN OCEANIA

This is a personal terminal of the InterNerv system, the machine that's at the heart and soul of our modern progressive forward looking society. InterNerv superceded the Internet following the Revolution of 2018, when it was decided by Comrade "Smiling" Jim McCarthy, who was our Glorious Leader, that individual computers were too bulky and wasteful of resources. Instead, rugged and lightweight pocket personal units that, with care, can last a lifetime are issued to each person at their Citizenship ceremony, which takes place at the age of twelve, or on acceptance into Oceanic society in the case of immigrants.

These units are unique in that they are produced to the same design as that envisaged by Comrade Jim in those early days of the '20s - a 133 MHZ portable computer with a tiny biological neural network at it's core, connected to the InterNerv network using the old mobile telecommunications system.

Following the Revolution, mobile telephones were judged to be a wasteful and unethical use of resources, so Comrade Jim wisely baned them forthwith. Then, through his own personal genius, He created the InterNerv and designed the Personal Terminal - a packet switched network with central servers that back up all personal data several times a day, so even if you do lose your personal computing unit your information will still be on file with us!

Of course, the main job of the InterNerv is rooting out the enemies of our society wherever they may hide, be they spies, wreckers, neocon corporate capitalist parasites, or just plain hoodlums! We do this using a system so secret that I'd have to kill you if I told you about it, but suffice to say that we are keeping a friendly eye on everything you do.

The intelligent, semi-sentient neural network also helps plan our economy by recording everyone's purchases at the store (You pay for goods with your terminal and most services are free - outdated, neoliberal capitalist concepts like money have all been abolished by Comrade Jim). Everything a person buys is checked by police control for public protection, so that if, for example, someone were to buy several gallons of bleach and a large amount of fireworks, a quick Police investigation would proceed to eliminate the possibility of foul play.

To give a different kind of example, if someone buys a bottle of vodka and a packet of razor blades at the same time, and nothing else, we might just check up on them to make sure they're all right. Why, you ask? Because we care!

THE ECONOMY OF OCEANIA IN 2075

Our economy is based on the principle of sharing of all goods among citizens. Special shops have come into use for those of us who have earned Production Bonuses or who require specialist services due to especially demanding jobs within the Collective, but this is totally different to the sickening luxury that you can see in those backwards areas where capitalism still exists - as we share all our wealth equally with those of us who have earned it. That's why our specialist luxury shops are all emblazoned with Comrade Jim's slogan "From each according to ability, to each according to work".

HISTORY OF OCEANIA

Some terrible things have happened in the past and we must never forget. The War of 2041-2045, when we mounted a valiant defence of the entire planet against the fascist scumfuck lizardoids from outer space, taught us the benefit of the old saying, the best form of defence is attack. That's why we're helping our friends in Europe and South America to resist fascist capitalist lizardoidism by generously stationing our friendly, peace-loving self-defence troops and portions of our peaceful and entirely defensive nuclear deterrant in their countries.

Of course, self-criticism is also vital to gain historical perspective. Nobody but an Oceanian knows this better.

Comrade Steel built an awful cult of personality around himself and was anti-democratic and totally unOceanian - in fact he personally murdered fifteen hundred people. He had also ordered the deaths and deportations of millions more, including taking the insane steps of trying to deport all of the inhabitants of Jamaica to the Falkland Islands, starving the entire population of the American Midwest to death, teaching young children to inform on their friends and family "in return for great prizes!" and exploding a 200-megaton nuke on the surface of the Moon, "to scare the shit out of all those other bastards."

Be assured that we have learned from these experiences and that such a thing could never happen again, as safeguards are in place now that ensure that such a thing could never happen again, as safeguards are in place now that ensure that

<Infinite loop detected, auto-rebooting...>
<BREAK><BREAK><BREAK><BREAK><BREAK><BREAK><BREAK>