Like God But Evil: A religious experience
This morning I suffered a religious experience: God Hates You.
I had a vision of God, utterly transcendent, utterly powerful, utterly evil. Man tries, he really tries, but it is all futile because God favours those who are most like Him. The petty, mean, selfish and vindictive are Chosen to rule the Earth, while the rest of us groan in bondage.
Man attempts to perfect himself, for example with machinery, but because all things have His Essence within them, the attempt fails. Our technological prowess has been more or less nullified in this way. I have seen the future, and it is OUT OF ORDER. So acres of broken, dead machinery just pile up, alongside the huddled masses of broken people. Broken and dead people.
Every good thing that has happened has just been a shell game, God setting us up for the fall, the manipulations of His minions so that they can get even more power. And it wouldn't have been possible without us, the actual people, the ultimate fall guys.
I see God as a retarded and sick entity, a fundamentally twisted and small being, unable to relate to others or to Himself. A psychotic boy tearing the wings off flies, slicing up the family pet to see how it works. Stealing Daddy's guns or Momma's knives and taking them to school; killing for the sake of killing, not so much motiveless as the motive being beside the point entirely.
The world has been invaded by people who have no conception of morality or human emotion or empathy or love; God's people are coming out of the closet, out of the churches, and changing the world. It is no accident that our rulers in this awful time are all religious fanatics; I can forsee in the not too distant future a time when being a religious fanatic will be a pre-requisite for holding high office, just as being extremely rich and very right-wing is today.
The truly good, like those English priestesses or that affable Iranian mullah off the teevee, the voices of the good are drowned out forever under the shrill cries of those equipped with a hotline to the demiurge, moderation and respect are suffocated under the glare of the teevee lights and the endless clanking beat of the war drums. God has no time for moderates; His people are not rational. His people are the Exterminators of Mankind.
You can tell when God is about; God is an infection of ubiquity. "It's everywhere", as they say. And it is the little things- the frustrating coincidences as much as that which is the product of any concious conspiracy- that indicate His hand. As Burroughs said, the dead hand of control. For example, my life is made hell not just by bad housing itsself, but by the existance of bad neighbours; God's people, gangsters and killers and junkies, street people that are not street people but a kind of police. The overt, blatant expression of our decline and fall as a species, this triumph and glorification of the manifestly inferior. As above, so below.
I feel dirty just thinking about it. I now understand the need for churches; if that wasn't the problem in the first place I'd probably go there. A nice Anglican church, the little vicar pottering about in the knave, services at ten, everything right with the world. Sadly the scales have fallen from my eyes and I know that it is not so. I want to get clean but I will not kowtow to some skypilot to acheive this.
The Gnostics worship a female diety who exists over and above God, who is to Him as He is to Us. I tried a search on the matter but apart from utterly irrelevant technical information about services I can only get a link to This Month's Sophia Meditation I try, repeatedlly, to get this fucking phone to work and give me the info. But it won't, the phrase Network not responding jeers from behind the glass, I simply cannot get relief from any source.
Sod it, my homosexuality wouldn't go over, anyway. Nothing about me would go over, that is why characters like God have it in for me. If I had... If I had been a completely different person with a completely different personality, I would fit in and go over and generally be liked. It's wierd how easy it is to be liked. All you have to do is have no opinion and no personal characteristics at all.
The kettle boils, and my vision finally fades... fortunately.
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