Price: £20 (for the cheap shite, for xpensive stuff expect to pay upwards of £35 in UK)
Absinthe. The utimate "goth drink". Tipple of madmen, geniuses, and Edgar Allen Poe; but there's just one question on your lips: Is It Really Any Good?
Well, until today my experience of the Green Fairy was confined to a wake, where I persuaded Inks to bring some. But this Xmas, I have been able to scientifically and technologically review it.
Absinthe was poured into a shotglass with 2 sugarcubes (white sugar, you hippy) and consumed. I tried pouring it through the sugar, but precious and very expensive liquor was spilled (it's 20 quid for 50 cl; that's 40p a centilitre) so I ended up soaking the cubes then crushing them up.
At first I attempted to consume the thing neat, but then my throat reminded me that it was about 68 % proof, and I followed the recipie on the back, putting the stuff into cold water at a ratio of 6 to 1 (I even compensated for the sugar; two sugar cubes = half a shot glass, so half shotglass absinthe + 2 sugarcubes = 1 shotglass of... satan's piss, so you add 3, not 6 shotglasses of water to this.
It's fucking incredible. Everything tequila is supposed to be, but without that disqusting worm. Sure, it's expensive, but I'm now pissed out of my tiny mind, and that's after just 4... or was it 5... or 3- shotglasses (half- shotglasses?) of the stuff.
Basically, this is a fine product, it turns you into a complete idiot cheaper than vodka, scotch, or even Mezcal; and it's fashionable and hard too! The brand I bought is probably the cheapest, nastiest "implementaion" of absinthe ever made, so I'm sure you bastards out there in internet land, with your proper jobs and your pay packets, can find something even better.
Go buy!!! Then buy again!
Recipies:
Sweet Sweet Sugar Sugar:
DO:
1. Soak a sugar cube in neat absinthe.
2. Wait a bit.
3. Eat the sugar cube, and
WHILE:
Repeat until bored with the taste or effect, whichever comes first.
Official Legalize Benzedrine Absinthe Drink:
You will need:
Speed
Absinthe
Sugar Cubes
Water
A shotglass (25 ml )
A water glass
Do:
1. Put 2 sugar cubes in the shotglass.
2. Add Absinthe.
3. Snort some speed. (what the hell, if you're drinking that stuff you probably aren't too concenrned about your health anyway)
4. Put on a Marylin Manson album (Ducks to avoid things being thrown by snotty geriatric goths)
5. When the first track comes on, crush up sugar cubes with a fork. While you were putting that album on the sugarcubes soaked up some absinthe, and they became crushable.
6. As you listen to the second track, strain the suchar through the prongs of the fork. This will ensure it mixes.
7. Write something, like a product review for your website (you can skip this if this is your first drink)
8. Stir (as far as is possible in a shot glass)
9. Put the mixture in the water glass.
10. Your shot glass will have a residue of absinthe-impregnated sugar in it. How gross! Clean it by filling it with water 3 times stirring and pouring into your water glass.
11. Stir the contents of your water glass.
12. Get ready to consume the alcohol equivalent of crack cocaine.
13. Drink and repeat process until you don't know who you are.
Complete Bastard Drink:
Same as thge first 12 steps of the previous recipie only I added 2 shotglasses of Vermouth (ie martini), which made it totally disgusting. So I put some Cava in it and it was OK again. #
Particularly useful when you're sick of the sickly sweet taste of normal Green Fairy and you need somerthing to mask it with.
PS: If you've got a gun, avoid this drink or get rid of your gun for the night. Or at least put the safety on, one of the effects of this drink and Marylin together is that your IQ drops by 50 pointss and you decide it's time for some target practice, at best you might blow away your very expensive liquor bottles amd at the very worst cause what is usually referred to as an "incident"...